return my video game
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
