Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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