did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
