I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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