Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I licked your asshole in confidence.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
