Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
