Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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