Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
