I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
