Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
