the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
