do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
