She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
