dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
