Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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