Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
