i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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