I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize