A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
