we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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