I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
