I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
