I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
