Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
