Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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