just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
