Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
