If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
