I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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