i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
