My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my poor anus
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
