the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
