Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
