the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
