U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
