I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
