FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
