So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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