They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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