Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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