no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
