like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
