She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
