I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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