halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They took my balls.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
