I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
