I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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