She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
