i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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