Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
