I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
