Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
