So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
