Whod you bang
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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