So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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