I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
