Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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