Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
