You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Boobs speak an international language.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
