Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
