dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
