he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
