He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
