Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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