So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
