i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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