I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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