Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
