oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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