either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize