It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
